Magnus’ eyes bored deeply into mine, the lines at their corners and the tightness of his mouth betrayed the worry that he felt towards me.
Yet, I could feel the muscles in my face tightening as a wide smile stretched my chapped lips. The discomfort of those cracked lips was vastly outweighed by the feelings of pure joy that bubbled inside of myself. My body felt impossibly light, it was as if I were floating, that’s the only real way that I can think of to describe it now. All that darkness and despair that had been pressing down on me, crushing me under its weight for so long had suddenly evaporated. My body felt as if it would rise up and just drift away at any moment.
I grabbed Magnus’ hand, pulling it into my grasp. His skin felt rough and warm, the muscles were thick and powerful as my bone thin fingers wrapped around his.
“Magnus, I am absolutely fine. I’m happier than I have been in as long as I can remember.” My voice giggled as I spoke, the elation that I felt inside myself bubbled out.
“Heidi, you have no idea how pleased I am to hear you say that. I was so worried for you when I heard what had happened, when I saw you wandering that trail in the state that you were in.” His face beamed as he spoke, the smile on his face mirrored the grin which split mine. His eyes suddenly seemed to glisten and his voice to quiver ever so slightly.
I needed to tell him about Lars, I had to finally reveal all those things that my brother had done to me, the torture that he had put me through. Magnus would understand. I was sure of it. He would protect me.
“Magnus,” My gaze met his, my voice firmed slightly as I spoke, “there are some things that I need to tell you…”
“Shhhh, Heidi, not now.” His voice came softly, his finger gently touching my lips to silence me. “You’ve been through so much. So much pain, so much suffering, I can see that. We can talk later, but now I think that it’s best if you rest. Lay back and get some sleep. Your body is exhausted. Later, when you’re feeling better, I’ll get you a nice big bowl of that reindeer stew and you can tell me everything. You’re going to be alright now.”
I watched as Magnus stepped back from me, his gaze lingered on me momentarily before turning and walking towards the door. His footsteps patted out a soft tap on the thinly carpeted floor. Upon reaching the door, he twisted the handle and pulled it open just wide enough for him to slip out before closing it gently behind himself and leaving me alone.
As my eyes drifted shut, I could hear Magnus’ voice softly floating in from the other side of the closed door as he spoke to Kristina, “She’s going to be fine, I’m sure of it. She’s calm and contented, we just need to let her rest for a while to get some of her strength back. She’s been through a rough time.”
Lying back, the mattress beneath me felt soft and luxurious. I seemed to sink down into it as it enveloped my body, hugging every single curve. I imagined myself floating on a cloud. After so long sleeping on that cold, hard concrete I had begun to forget what it felt like to be truly comfortable. It was a really wonderful feeling.
Exhaustion crashed over me like a tidal wave. It was an exhaustion that penetrated deep into the very marrow of my bones. Taking a deep breath, I finally allowed myself to drift off to sleep. For the first time in so many months it was a sleep that I didn’t fight against. I felt peaceful and safe, an unfamiliar feeling, but one that was so very welcome. There was no need to fear dark creatures that had haunted and tormented my dreams for so long. The dreams that came to me then were dreams of hope, dreams of a future where I was free. They were vibrant! No longer was I a caged bird, tethered to my brother with clipped wings. Now I was free to run and soar as I liked, free to feel the fresh breeze on my face and the cool grass beneath my feet once again.
****
Drip, drip, drip.
That incessant dripping woke me from my slumber. My eyes darted open, the black suffocating darkness of the basement enveloped me, pressed down on me like it always did.
A sharp shudder surged through my body as I lay there on that cold, hard ground…
No, something wasn’t right. I was warm, the ground beneath me soft.
The momentary confusion left me. Drawing a deep breath, the air wasn’t damp and musty, but warm and clean with a lingering freshness of pine. The realisation of where I was gradually settled back over me. I had feared it all a dream, a cruel trick of the mind, but no, I was really here. I really was at Skyggespor!
Pushing myself up and swinging my legs over the side of the bed I just sat there for a moment, letting my senses adjust, taking in my surroundings.
I don’t know how long I had slept for, but the medical room was now dark, lit only by the beautiful silver glow of the full moon which streamed in through the window. The landscape outside shimmered with the mesmerising, pure white of the snow reflecting the light of that moon.
Muffled sounds filtered into the room, a low buzz. The sounds of murmured conversations, occasional eruptions of laughter, sharp clinks of glasses and a low throbbing baseline of the music. The sounds from the bar, the sounds of people enjoying themselves. They were sounds of normalcy.
Again, came the sound, the monotonous beat echoed in my head. But no, this wasn’t the sound of that dripping tap. It was a soft knock on the door.
“Come in.” I replied to the knocks, my voice sounded strong and confident in my ears.
My head turned, facing the door as it slowly, softly opened. Standing in the doorway was a tall, slender figure. A form silhouetted against the warm, golden light which flooded in from outside.
“How are you feeling now, Heidi?” A voice that was soft and kindly, spoke to me. A voice that I instantly recognised as Kristina.
I couldn’t help but to smile as I heard her speak, “I’m feeling fantastic, thank you.”
“Magnus sent me to ask if you would like a bowl of that reindeer stew? We’ve got a table set up in the bar for you, or you could take it in the kitchen if you don’t feel up to being around crowds?”
Reindeer stew! My stomach growled at the thought. The deep, gnawing emptiness inside of me suddenly grabbed me, clutching, demanding. What a wonderful thing, a bowl of rich reindeer stew would be. What a beautiful contrast to the scraps and leftovers that Lars had been tossing me lately. It had been one of my favourite meals while I had worked here.
Stew on the menu meant that it must have been a Wednesday, Wednesday had always been reindeer stew day. I can remember it well, after finishing my shift, I would always rush straight to the kitchen. I’d dip a ladle into that fragrant, steaming, pot of goodness, fill a bowl and then make my way back out to my favourite seat at the table beside the bar. I can taste it even as I sit here now, tender moist chunks of meat and earthy vegetables. There are very few things better than a big bowl of Magnus’ homemade stew. But the promise was more than just promise of stew, it symbolised the life that I thought I had lost, the life that I was about to reclaim.
“I think I’d like to eat in the bar, please Kristina,” Flutters rose up in my stomach at the thought of sitting in a bar again. Good food, kind people, music. A lump stuck in my throat and I blinked away the tears that had begun to form in my eyes. What a simple thing in life, a meal in a bar. But right then and there, I couldn’t think of anything more marvellous.
Sliding myself off the bed, my feel planting firmly on the ground, I stood. I hardly noticed the stiffness in my joints and the deep aches in my muscles as I began to walk towards the golden light spilling in through the open door, and the figure that stood in it.
Kristina’s hair seemed to blaze like fire, a single, curled red strand hung delicately in front of her face like a glowing ember. Her eyes were like deep, mesmerising emeralds set into her fine featured, porcelain face. Her smile seemed to stir up a warmth within me. I had thought Kristina rather plain looking when I’d first set my eyes on her but right there and then, she was the most beautiful person that I had ever seen. The light seemed to radiate from her body, she was radiant, she was the beacon that would lead me to freedom.
Taking a first step forward, my knees wobbled. Despite the elation that I felt inside myself, my body was still week from my ordeal, the walk to Skyggespor had taken its toll on me. But, in spite of my body’s protests, I was determined. This was my moment. So much had been taken from me, denied to me over the recent months that I refused to let this moment slip away.
I steadied myself, but Kristina must have seen me falter. Her tall, elegant form seemed to float over the floor, gliding effortlessly towards me. I can remember myself thinking at the time, wondering, was she really an angel sent to save me? I could almost see a pair a delicate, white feathered wings unfurl as she moved, stretching out behind her. She was too perfect to be of this world.
Placing an arm softly around my waist and gently taking my elbow in the other she carefully helped me forwards. One slow, careful step at a time we made our way across the floor of the medical room and out into the passage.
Blinking in the bright light, the music that poured out from the bar struck me instantly. It stirred up a deep and forgotten yearning inside my heart. I didn’t recognise the song at the time but the melody was something truly beautiful, I could feel a flutter raising in my stomach, the fragile flutter of hope. The wonderous lyrics resonated around my head, they slammed into me, seemingly echoing the feelings in my soul.
‘The future’s in the air
I can feel it everywhere
Blowing with the wind of change’
My eyes blinked frantically, it wasn’t the light causing those blinks this time but the warm tears that I could feel welling up inside them and spilling over.
“Heidi, what’s wrong?” Kristina’s voice, laced with worry had taken on a high, breathless pitch.
There were no words for how I was feeling, no way that I can think of to describe the tirade of emotions that had suddenly overcome me. I turned towards Kristina, threw my arms around her and pulled her thin, firm body tightly into my embrace. The subtle, comforting scent of her perfume filled my nostrils as I buried my face into her shoulder.
“I’m just so happy right now.” I whispered those words into her ear.
I felt her entire body relax as a smile spread across her face.
We stood there like that for a few minutes, with me holding on to Kristina. Until it’s torn away from you, it really is impossible to truly understand quite how important a thing human contact is. It was a moment, with the warmth of her pressed up against me that I wanted to last forever. Never to let her go, never to be alone again.
All too soon though, we did part. She looked down at me with a smile wide on her face, “Come on, Magnus is waiting for you at a table.”
The bar was busy that evening, it hummed with an energetic buzz. The blue haze of cigarette smoke hung in the air, the lively sound of chatter and the sharp, clinking of glasses filled my ears.
My eyes scanned the room, so many people. The light of the candles in the middle of the tables flickered, casting shadows that danced across their occupants faces.
I quickly managed to pick out Magnus. He was sat at a table on the far side of the room, laughing and drinking with another man. I couldn’t see who it was, he was sat with his back to me, a guest or perhaps another member of staff, I presumed.
With Kristina, my protector at my side, I started to make my way towards them. Magnus looked up in my direction, catching my eye as I approached. Red faced and mouth laughing jovially, he raised his arms and beckoned me over enthusiastically. I hadn’t really taken any notice of the other man who now, slowly turned to face me.
As my eyes met the stranger’s, my breath hitched and the air froze in my lungs. My knees buckled beneath me.
Lars!