When I got back to Lela’s house, I found her in the living room. Her hands moved with a practiced rhythm as she wound thick black cables into neat coils, before dropping them into a white plastic crate. Her pink and chrome guitar, the amp and speaker cab were already stacked neatly beside the door.
“How is Ingrid?” Lela said, glancing up at me as soon as I stepped inside.
“She’s doing well,” I replied. “She said she wouldn’t miss tonight for the world.”
“Oh, I’m so looking forward to her being there. It’s been a long time since she last came to one of our gigs,” she said as a smile bloomed across her face. “I don’t suppose you could do me a favour and give me a hand to the car with the amp and speakers, could you? The thing weighs a ton. I usually have Asmund lift it, but…”
“I’ve got you, Le-Le,” I said, stepping into the space that Asmund had left behind.
My hands closed around the chrome handle on one side of the box and Lela took hold of the other. Even with two of us, the thing was a beast. Grunting and groaning, we wrestled it across the carpet. The muscles in my shoulders strained as we hauled it over the lip of the front door and out onto the driveway, the stiff metal casters crunching violently on the loose gravel.
Every heave, every puff of breath in the cool, damp air was a reminder that Lela didn’t need Asmund anymore. She didn’t need Ingrid. She only needed me.
When we finally managed to get it to the red Volkswagen, we folded the seats flat, a puff of old dust releasing into the air. With one final, guttural shove, we tipped the speaker cabinet into the boot lip and slotted it in beside the rolled fabric of our new banner.
“Phew!” Lela exclaimed, brushing a lock of dark hair from her damp forehead. “I think I’ll see if Gunnar can give us a hand when we get to the other end. The thing’s a nightmare to budge.”
Returning to the house, we picked up the amplifier head. It was smaller, but still surprisingly heavy. Together we carried it out to the car and dropped it beside the speaker cabinet.
“Thank you, babe,” Lela said, patting my shoulder gently, her hand lingering for a moment. “Honestly, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
The voices hissed in approval. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” they whispered in my ear, repeating Lela’s words.
“It’s no trouble at all,” I said as we stepped back into the house. “Do you need a hand with anything else?”
“I should be ok with the rest. It’s just the guitar, mic and some cables to go,” she replied. “You can go and get changed if you want. I’ve got the rest of this.”
“As long as you’re sure?”
“Go on!” Lela laughed, reaching for her pink and chrome guitar case. “I know how long it takes you to get ready for a night out.”
I turned and headed for the stairs. As I climbed, the sounds of Lela moving the rest of her gear faded into a muted hum.
Bella was waiting for me, lying at her new guard post at the top of the stairs. Glancing up, her dark gaze met mine. Her paws shifted on the carpet as a low grumble rose in her throat.
“What’s the matter with you, girl?” I said briskly, stepping over her, ignoring the glint in those brown eyes.
My bedroom was cool. A late afternoon sun sliced a sharp diagonal across the blood-red duvet. A pair of torn jeans lay discarded on the floor, where I’d kicked them off on returning from the hospital.
I knelt beside my holdall. Pulling the zip back with a metallic rasp, I reached inside, tucking the glass vial deeply into one of the side pockets before I began to rummage through the clothes that Lela had packed for me.
Pulling them out one by one, I tossed them aside. Crop tops, t-shirts, sweaters… Tonight needed to be perfect. My hand stopped on a sheer black body top. I pulled it out, along with a black bra and a short, tight skirt.
As I watched myself dress in the mirror, I felt a warm tingle ripple through my body. Pulling the top down over my head, I smoothed it against myself. The thin scars that criss-crossed me were barely visible through the fine mesh fabric. My finger traced their pattern; they were the scars of the past that I had to bear constantly, but through the fabric they simply merged into the design like a forgotten legacy.
Taking up a kohl pencil, I leant in close to the mirror. With a rock-steady hand, I drew a thick, aggressive black line that edged my lids, flicking out the edges into sharp wings.
When I was satisfied with my eyes, I reached for my lipstick, a deep bruised plum. With one swipe and then two, I coated my lips. I blotted them together, the tacky sound echoing in the quiet of the room.
“Heidi?” a voice called up from downstairs. “Are you ready? We need to get going.”
“Just coming,” I called back.
Turning, I was about to leave when my eyes snagged on that pair of discarded jeans, illuminated by the sunlight that slanted across the floor.
Crouching beside them, I could feel my heart hammering feverishly against my ribcage. Barely daring to breathe, I slipped a hand into the pocket. My fingers brushed the smooth plastic bag.
It was still there.
Pulling it out, I held it up to the light. A transparent plastic packet containing a small, hard tablet. Such a little thing, so innocent, so harmless.
The parachute dose, just a little something to help her nerves, I told myself.
Placing the packet on the hard wooden table, I looked around the room, searching for my tool. My attention was caught by a porcelain lamp. Picking it up, I held the felt-lined base directly over the tablet.
Pressing down, the tablet gave with a solid, satisfying crunch. I leaned into it, moving the lamp in small, circular motions, grinding it down until all that was left was a fine white powder.
“Come on, Heidi!” Lela called up again, her voice edged with urgency this time. “We really need to go. I don’t want to be late.”
“Sorry, Lela,” I called back down. “I’m just coming.”
Standing, I snatched up my silver handbag and, slipping the plastic bag into it, I stepped out of the bedroom and made my way downstairs.
Lela was waiting for me by the front door. The silver studs of her tight leather trousers glinted gold in the light. Her eyes widened as I stepped into the room, her vibrant pink lips parting in a wide smile.
“Wow, babe,” she said in a hushed, breathless tone. “You look incredible. I’m going to have to keep a close eye on Ingrid with you looking like that,” she added with a playful chuckle and wink.
I smiled back. “Come on, Lela. Let’s go and put on a good show for the people.”