A soft sigh escaped Lela’s lips. Blinking, she glanced towards the square, grey answering machine. Its flickering red light, that traitorous pulse, was safely concealed beneath my palm.
Then her eyes darted to the ticking clock.
“It’s nearly midday. I really thought that she would have called by now,” she said, her shoulders slumped, her quiet voice trailing off.
“She’s probably exhausted, Le-Le,” I said, my voice slipping out with a honeyed edge. “She’s barely left his bedside in two days. I’m sure she’ll call as soon as there’s any news.”
“But what if something’s happened?” Lela’s eyes were wide, the light glinting off the moisture that was beginning to fill them. A slight tremor, starting from her hands, rippled across her body. “The doctors said he was going to be moved this morning. I need to get to the hospital, what if…”
“Lela!” her name cracked sharply in the air, causing Lela to jerk backwards. Taking a deep breath and smoothing over the edge of my tone, I continued. “Lela, I’m sure he’s fine. The doctors said he was doing well. They’re probably just waiting to get him a bed. You know what hospitals are like.”
Stepping into her space, I gently placed a hand on her warm, leather clad shoulder. My gaze locked onto her dark eyes.
“I need you too, Lela,” I whispered, my voice coming out as a hushed rasp. “Every time I close my eyes, I see him. And if it’s not Lars, it’s Rune too. Everywhere I go, I think I see them. Whenever I look around, they’re there, watching me from a window or doorway. I hear their footsteps, can feel their eyes on my back as they follow me down the street. I know it’s stupid, I know it’s all in my head, but I need you, Lela. Asmund’s got Ingrid, who have I got to look after me?”
I let my hand slide down her arm and took her hand in mine. “Who have I got, Le-Le?”
I watched the involuntary twitch at the corner of her mouth, felt her fingers intertwine with mine, while her other hand fiddled with the zip of her jacket.
“I’m so sorry, babe,” Lela said tenderly, her gaze breaking and dropping to our hands. “I’m being selfish, aren’t I? I’ve been so caught up at the hospital that I didn’t even stop to think what it must be like for you. You’ve always got me. I’ll always be here for you. It’s just with everything that’s happened lately. Firstly, with Lars and what he did to you, and then that drug dealer and Asmund… I feel like I’m being pulled in every direction.”
“I’m so sorry about what happened to Asmund.” I kept my eyes locked on hers, kept my voice steady. “I really didn’t mean for him to get dragged into all of this.”
“I know. It’s not your fault, none of this is.” Her thumb tracing that familiar circle on the back of my hand once again.
“Why don’t we have an afternoon, just the two of us?” I said, looking at her through heavily lidded eyes. “How about a cup of tea, and then we’ll get started on that banner? We’ll be right here, right by the phone, just in case.”
The tension in Lela’s face finally melted away, replaced with that familiar, serene smile. “Heidi, that’s a great idea. I’ll make the tea while you get things set up.”
My eyes followed her as she moved toward the kitchen. Mesmerised by the ever-delicate sway of her gait and the quiet patter of her boots on the carpet.
But the moment she disappeared from view, my attention snapped back to the answering machine, the red light still flickering like a warning beacon that I had to extinguish.
My finger, tingling slightly, hovered for a few seconds over the hard, textured plastic of the rewind button. I held my breath, my ears straining against the heavy silence of the room. Suddenly, there it was. The sound of water gushing from the kitchen tap.
I didn’t just press the button, I slammed it down.
The motor hummed into life, whirring the tape backward with a mechanical growl that seemed to echo in my ears. My eyes snapped to the doorway, with my heart pounding a percussive rhythm in my chest, I half expected Lela to appear at any moment.
The tape, just visible through the smoke brown cassette cover, spun in an agonisingly slow blur. Come on… Another glance at the doorway; it was still empty.
Finally, the button sprang up with a sharp click that seemed to vibrate through the floor and walls.
The red light died.
I didn’t hesitate. Ingrid’s voice was still on that tape, and I needed to erase her completely. My thumb snatched at the small, round ‘memo’ button, pressing down on it, forcing the tape to begin its slow creep forward once again. This time there was no voice, only the thick silence of the room being pulled onto that thin magnetic strip, overwriting Ingrid’s message and obliterating the last traces of my deception.
Suddenly, a rustle came from the kitchen! I barely had time to pull my hand away from the machine before the warm scent of spiced apple filled the air.
Lela stepped back into the room, her focus entirely on two steaming mugs. She moved with that effortless grace that always made me feel clumsy and settled the mugs down on the coffee table with a soft clink.
She didn’t even glance at the answering machine. Why would she? To her, it was nothing more than a plastic box; she had no idea of the secrets it had only moments ago concealed.
“That smells amazing,” I said, my voice smooth and steady as I moved over to the sofa and sat myself down beside her.
As soon as I had finished the tea, I went upstairs and got changed into an old flannel shirt and tracksuit trousers.
Returning to the living room, I set to work, spreading an old sheet that Lela had fished out of the back of a cupboard over the floor. On top of that, I unrolled the heavy black fabric.
As I knelt over the cloth with a chalk pencil in my hand, I realised that it was the first time that I’d tried to draw anything since that fateful spring day, almost a year earlier, when Lars’ accusatory words and those damning photos had irreversibly shattered my world. However, my hand moved with practiced ease as I effortlessly began to outline the wolf’s head logo that I knew so well.
Bella’s warm breath gently huffed in my ear as she sat, eyes fixed on me intently, patiently watching me draw. Her tail thumped out a gentle rhythm, a steady swish on the carpet. A warm bubble of satisfaction rose inside me and flared out across my body. My mind transported me back to the sanctuary of that pink bedroom. Back to those days when I would sit cross-legged on my bed with a sketchbook on my lap and a pencil or paintbrush in my hand. Bella would often lie on the floor, looking up at me with her big brown eyes and tail gently wagging from side to side.
To my other side knelt Lela. She too had changed and was now wearing an old black t-shirt and jeans, her hair tied back into a ponytail. The denim, once a dark blue, had long since faded to a dusty slate. The knees were worn and the hems frayed. My gaze snagged for a brief moment on a single stray hair that had fallen across her face. It hung down over the ever fading, yellowish brown bruise beneath her eye.
“Ok babe, where do you want me to start?” Lela said. A slight warm flush coloured her cheeks as she caught me looking at her.
“Why don’t you start filling in the lettering?” I gestured with the chalk towards the jagged, bone white outline of the band’s name.
Lela smiled. Dipping her brush into the pot of white textile paint, she set to work. The gentle sound of a tune that I didn’t recognise hummed from her lips.
Lela’s sweet melody caressed my ears. It was an enchanting, hypnotic theme that I found myself also humming along to.
“What’s that tune?” I asked her.
Lela glanced up at me, her cheeks suddenly reddening. “Oh, it’s just a new song that we had been working on. We were hoping to have it ready for the Kjelleren tomorrow night.” Pausing, Lela let out a long, slow sigh before continuing. “I’d almost forgotten about that. I need to phone Gunnar and cancel all our upcoming gigs.”
“Gunnar?” I repeated the name as an idea started to take form inside my mind. “Lela, don’t you think cancelling is a bit rash? You worked hard for that slot, you can’t give it up now. Giving up on the Kjelleren would be like giving up on Asmund.”
“Heidi,” Lela raised an eyebrow as she looked at me. “It’ll be weeks before he’s even going to be able to start thinking about picking up the guitar again, months before he’ll be back on the stage.”
“I know,” I said, leaning in closer to her until our shoulders touched. “But the Kjelleren is the biggest gig you’ve ever had. If you cancel, Gunnar will just give your slot to someone else, and you might never get another chance.”
“So, what am I supposed to do with Asmund laid up?” her eyebrow rising higher, her voice tinged with an unusual frustration. “I can’t mess Gunnar around. That’s not fair to him. He’s been good to us. I need to tell him what’s happened.”
“Then play solo until Asmund’s ready to get back up there.” I shrugged. “You’re easily good enough.” I watched Lela’s face closely as I spoke, noticed the muscles twitched as the seed I’d just planted started to take root.
“He’d want you to play, Lela,” I continued quickly, pressing home my advantage. My words tumbled out before she could think too much more on it. “You know he would. This has been your dream for as long as I’ve known you. He wouldn’t want you to give it up. Besides, it’s not as if we’re talking about the end of Arctic Howl, is it? He’ll be back up there with you before you know it. You’ll just be keeping things ticking over until he’s well.”
Her eyes dropped to the blank fabric laid out before us, her fingers absently fiddling with the edge.
“I don’t know, Heidi,” she murmured, her voice wavering. “Arctic Howl has always been Lela and Asmund. I’m not sure that I can do it on my own.”
It was my turn to take Lela’s hands in mine, my turn to look her in the eyes.
“Of course you can,” I said firmly. “Think about it, Lela. It’s perfect for everyone. Gunnar won’t have to scramble around to find a replacement, and you’ll keep your slot.”
I squeezed her hands tightly, pinning her in place with my gaze. “And this banner? We’ll finish it together. It’ll be hanging right behind you when you stand up on that stage and perform for Asmund. For Ingrid, too. For me. For all of us.”
I raised my hand to her face, my fingers gently brushing the single strand of hair that had escaped her ponytail and tucking it behind her ear. My touch lingered against her skin for a heartbeat too long.
“Performing for Asmund?” She nodded slowly as the idea started to bloom. “It’ll be a tribute to him… to you too. A tribute to the two strongest people I know…” her voice trailing off thoughtfully, her eyes searching mine. “If I do this… you’ll come along tomorrow night, won’t you? It would be lovely if Ingrid could be there too.”
“Of course I’ll come!” I said. “Ingrid’s got a lot going on with Asmund, but I’m sure she’ll be there if she can.”
“Oh no, it’s not that.” Lela said, exhaling a soft, weary breath. “She just doesn’t like the Kjelleren. She thinks it’s too rough, too loud. She wants us to go back to the quieter bars and pubs that we used to play.”
A flutter of dark electricity cracked through my stomach. Was that another chink in the infallible Ingrid’s armour? She wasn’t Lela’s saviour; she was a weight dragging her down. Stifling her creativity and smothering her spirit.
“Her heart’s in the right place.” Lela added quickly. “She’s just looking out for me.”
I could feel a smile creeping across my face as red, twinkling eyes suddenly sparkled in the shadows. They watched us with an eager and intent gaze, listening attentively to every word.
“I know she is, and that’s what’s so lovely about her, Lela. I’m so pleased for you that you’ve found someone like her.” My voice sounded cold and hard to my ears. I shifted my weight, turning my shoulders to face Lela. “I’m so happy that you’ve got someone to look after you and support you. Even if it is from a distance.”
“From a distance?” Lela’s head tilted, her voice taking on a strained edge.
“Oh, Le-Le,” I sighed. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that she wants different things from life. She likes quiet restaurants and nights on the sofa in front of a film. She doesn’t want the things that we want. She’s not as creative as we are. She doesn’t have music or art. She doesn’t understand what it’s like to need to be able to express yourself. But that’s alright, she just wants to keep you safe, her little bird in a cage.”
“She just worries about me, that’s all…” Lela’s chest rose as she drew in a deep, ragged breath. “Ok, I’ll do it. I’ll call Gunnar and let him know I’ll be playing solo. What would I do without you, babe! I’d be lost in the dark.”